{"id":241,"date":"2011-02-21T19:05:20","date_gmt":"2011-02-21T19:05:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hotel-lobbyists.com\/blog\/?p=241"},"modified":"2011-02-21T19:05:20","modified_gmt":"2011-02-21T19:05:20","slug":"zippers-and-umbrellas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/hotel-lobbyists.com\/index.php\/2011\/02\/21\/zippers-and-umbrellas\/","title":{"rendered":"Zippers and Umbrellas"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Perhaps two of the most simple and primary inventions of the human kind \u2013 just after the wheel and sliced bread \u2013 and I\u2019ve mastered neither of them! The wheel didn\u2019t take me very long.\u00a0 And I enjoy a nice slice of sourdough with the rest of them.\u00a0 But why I can\u2019t seem to zip up my jacket on the first try hardly ever; and why umbrellas are nearly disposable to me, is something that as a highly overachieving individual, I\u2019m completely baffled by.<\/p>\n

I believe it\u2019s the \u201cbottom stop\u201d that gives me the most trouble overall.\u00a0 Surely any kindergartner knows they need to make sure the slider is touching the bottom stop to align the zipper.\u00a0 Is it my impatience?\u00a0 How come I so often find myself zipping only one side of the contraption.\u00a0 Or better, the bottom stop is bent at an angle so that I now have a gap above and below the slider.\u00a0 Or best, I can maneuver the slider all the way to the top and find that neither side was adhered to the other.\u00a0 That\u2019s usually when I tear the jacket open and buy a new one.<\/p>\n

And if zippers weren\u2019t hard enough \u2013 umbrellas, really?\u00a0 In the last few years I recently mastered neatly recomposing the umbrella into its near original cylindrical form.\u00a0 I\u2019ve found that if you wind the umbrella tightly in your hand while you use the Velcro fastener to close it, you can just about replicate the shape it came in when you first purchased it.\u00a0 \u00a0But getting the umbrella to stay closed?\u00a0 Sometimes this part takes me ten minutes.\u00a0 Or better, how do I prevent the spokes from detaching themselves from the fabric?\u00a0 Or best, how do I prevent myself from ritualistically leaving the umbrella behind at the coffee shop one out of every three times I use it?\u00a0 It\u2019s often raining when I get to the coffee shop, but not when I leave.\u00a0 That\u2019s my souvenir for the next person who sits in my seat.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I realize these are skills usually mastered by humans in their single digits, but somehow both of these tools continue to perplex me.\u00a0 You can assume that a zippered rain jacket is not a particularly useful gift for me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Perhaps two of the most simple and primary inventions of the human kind \u2013 just after the wheel and sliced bread \u2013 and I\u2019ve mastered neither of them! The wheel didn\u2019t take me very long.\u00a0 And I enjoy a nice slice of sourdough with the rest of them.\u00a0 But why I can\u2019t seem to zip […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2,1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nZippers and Umbrellas - hotel-lobbyists.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/hotel-lobbyists.com\/index.php\/2011\/02\/21\/zippers-and-umbrellas\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Zippers and Umbrellas - hotel-lobbyists.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Perhaps two of the most simple and primary inventions of the human kind \u2013 just after the wheel and sliced bread \u2013 and I\u2019ve mastered neither of them! 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